Sing Me Home, Back to Me

I am mindful of recent reports of emergency services and military personnel who’ve chosen to go “To Their Deaths of Despair” at their own hand; hopeless that the kind of help they needed to heal from their experience of PTSD was ever going to arrive. That combined with a personal experience I had recently gives me pause and then pushes me again to be relentless in my efforts to do two things. The first; to create a welcoming space of alternative recovery options for those whose experience of the traditional treatments left them still reeling and confined by the emotional injury to their bodies. The second; to create the space for a client-centred approach where when the client experiences a healing treatment that though is not traditional or belonging to the psychotherapeutic model of the world, it is getting them their life back, that it is recognized for its efficacy and that the client is supported financially in their recovery.

In that intention, I must share with you a little bit more about me, my beliefs and my intentions, this in the effort, yes, to be seen, but moreover in the effort to create a space where those who seem to have lost their “Self” in this merciless injury to the body, can once again see themselves. Because their self is in there waiting to reconnect.

Professional Collective – We Must Leave No Stone Unturned – Honesty and forthrightness with each other is the one critical component in our collective professional effort to make every potential recovery modality available to those who continue to experience the debilitation that comes with Operational Stress Injury (OSI) and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Honesty, respect, and curiosity in our professional interactions with each other is paramount to this effort.

We must come together, leaving no stone unturned in our efforts to ensure that no one is left behind in their desire to heal, recover and get their lives back from this seemingly relentless dis-ease of the body/mind. This will be a challenge if we as professionals judge, exclude, and or are not truthful in our messaging with each other when it comes to those actively seeking alternative healing methods.

Really Good People are Dying! – I write today having recently experienced exclusion in my inquiry to be listed as a Service Professional providing alternative means for healing and recovery of Operational Stress Injury (OSI) and Post Tramatic Stress (PTS). In my experience of that I learned plenty about mySelf with respect to holding fast to the commitment I made in my previous blog, “To Their Deaths of Despair”. I promised then to do my part in ensuring not one more has to go to their death of despair. Since then we have lost several. Clearly I’ve still work to do. The greatest lesson for me was, in the throes of my own disappointment, hearing my inside voice saying, “Kae, you must do your due diligence and  create a space for people to see what else is available. We’ve really no time to waste, because really good people are dying!

I say with the greatest humility; in the interest of moving forward with the innovative work that I am doing, I must ensure that folks who are looking at coaching as a viable option and or in addition to their current methods of treatment, can see that it exists, that I exist. There is no time to waste. It makes these next thoughts important to share. I will start here.

The Qualifications and Certifications Conversation – It Has to Be Had! – I fully appreciate and respect that when providing recovery, healing services to those experiencing OSI or PTS that those persons doing so be current in their qualifications and be able to readily provide evidence to that effect through their respective certifying bodies.  We should expect nothing less; current and valid credentials have to be had. With that point in mind I would like to publicly state the following: When I offer my services, I am doing so in my Certified Coaching capacity, inclusive of an appreciative inquiry component, because it is my view that the client always knows what they need no matter how deeply embedded it is in the body.

Having said that, it is important to note; I am not offering my services in the capacity of Therapist, Counsellor or Psychologist. I am not, nor do I hold myself out to be any of the above and as such I am not registered with the College of Psychologists or Counsellors because I am neither.

Who I Am – My Credentials – I am a WEL-Systems® Certified CODE Model™ Coach, Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Master Practitioner and Quantum TLC™ Facilitator. I have been a Certified Practitioner with the WEL-Systems® Institute since November 2003. I have invested substantially in my education with this body of knowledge both financially and with my time, logging hundreds upon hundreds of hours of in class learning and practicum, completing required reading of countless texts and examinations to demonstrate my proficiency of the CODE Model™, NLP and Quantum TLC™ with the WEL-Systems® certifying body. I have been logging coaching hours with this body of knowledge since November 2003.

What I offer is an education and in many cases as a result, a self-healing opportunity through the CODE Model™ Coaching and Quantum TLC™ processes. It is a unique, viable and powerful process unto itself, and in conjunction with the whole host of traditional, time honored, therapeutic treatments already available in the mainstream. I applaud the current modalities of healing; the new and innovative, such as but not limited to, Equine and Canine therapy and the more tried and tested Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. It is however imperative for us to be willing to pay attention to the statistics that are telling us that for some, these traditional healing and recovery methods are falling short in spite of best efforts. It does not make these methods of treatment good, bad, right or wrong, rather, in my world one more suicide or murder with PTSD as the ignition point is one more too many. We have to do and consider more and what else, because I know, every single one of these deaths is preventable.

A Glimpse Into My Personal Journey – As a person who lived with an eating disorder for seventeen years, the therapies, counselling, psychiatry prescription medications that I received did nothing to mitigate and or eliminate this dis-ease in me and that was not for lack of want or desire.  My Journey is chronicled in a book I co-authored called, “Sekhmet Rising, Restlessness of a Women’s Genius” For me the traditional psychiatric approaches were simply not effective. That does not mean that they don’t have the potential to be effective and they are not effective for all, and they were not for me. The work with the CODE Model™ and Quantum TLC™ that I do now however, was effective for me at the time, and at accelerated speeds. What was not resolved in ten years of formal, traditional therapy was resolved in a twenty five minute Quantum TLC™ Processing experience. I can’t imagine that I am an anomaly in that experience.

Mainstream Is Not Enough! – The work that I do is not mainstream and to be sure, this is a good thing, because mainstream for some is not working and or is not enough. We must be courageous in noticing, acknowledging that and then invite in what else? In that willingness, the what else will appear, because we’ve made space for it. We are not a one size fits all genus, we must always be receptive to that which holds potential and in the interest of healing and recovery, there is plenty of room for alternative and complementary modalities that include but are not limited to the work that I do.

Time Sensitive Permission to Disclose – When police personnel commit suicide; though not limited to this, one of two things is likely to happen. The first; it creates what we understand to be the “contagion effect” which in essence may create a viable space for others who have been considering suicide to follow through with their intention. A case in point, since S/Sgt. Ghadban of the Ottawa Police Service took his own life on September 27th, there have been two more police suicides. The second possibility after a police suicide is that for an albeit short period of time, a “safe” space opens up for others to give themselves permission to disclose their struggle and desire to recover and heal absent of shame, hesitation and fear of ridicule.

For those who choose to disclose as opposed to invite death in, the permission to do so is time sensitive. When the shock and awe gives way to the day to day, permission to disclose an OSI or experience of PTS without real or perceived risks falls away again, and the stories of stigma become the well used and readily available barriers to being actively engaged in our own healing journey.

In the absence of permission to disclose, the choice is to hide, locking one’s self away, daring not to be seen while tears flow. The recollection of events pulling at the heart strings that sit behind the perceived but hardly real capital “S” emblazoned in red on their chest. The persistence and perceptions of others that PTS is an experience or disorder reserved for the “crazy”, keeps the proverbial closet full of reeling police personnel, civilian and sworn alike. And that is crazy making.

A Promise Made –  We need to do more. What I am doing is a part of that more. Like many recovery modalities, what I offer, standing alone or in combination with other remedies is a viable healing method. In the capable hands of other WEL-Systems® CODE Model™ Coaches I was able to see my way through and to the other side of that eating disorder. More recently, Quantum TLC™ was my saving grace as I too, after ten years of intensive care giving for my elderly parents, fell, unknowingly and swiftly into the clutches of Post Traumatic Stress after the years of emotional and mental abuse as a child became front and center in my life as I moved through my care giving duties with them. My experience of it; well, it sneaks up on you until it is, you are on the roller coaster ride that you never bought a ticket for. And each of us is brilliant, possessing an innate capacity to heal from the emotional wounds of our energy body. We are born with the capacity for self healing and it never leaves us. It can be drowned out however by the demons that this experience/disorder can wreak. And sometimes as in the words of Pema Chodron we must go into the mouth of the demon to silence the demon and in that discover our strength and resilience.

The Coaching Process – CODE Model™ Coaching is the process of inquiry and Quantum TLC™ is the opportunity to in a safe place allow the energy in the body to move freely, allowing the wave of emotional holding to finally metabolize, so that we own it and it no longer owns us. The difference; in that safe space we are not shutting down the emotional, cognitive, behavioural response, quite the opposite, we are welcoming it as the source point for healing, specifically, metabolizing the information; not the story necessarily, rather how the story occupies the body, the context.

And just like the traditional, recognized remedies I know what I do isn’t going to be for everyone but for those for whom it is, they will get their lives back. Of this I am certain. And they cannot access that if we discriminate based on credentialing bodies. It’s that simple.

The Ontario Omnibus Bill – As I write this blog, an Omnibus bill in the Province of Ontario has received final reading and hidden within that bill is legislation that not only ensures the work that holistic practitioners do is no longer recognized but that such practitioners could be subjected to fines anywhere between $25,000.00 and $50,000.00 for engaging in it. In essence the “Omnibus Bill gives psychotherapists exclusive and unprecedented control over the future definition, assessment and treatment (at their sole discretion) of all emotional disturbances of human life.”  I will state unequivocally here, my concern with that does not lie in the treatment that psychotherapists offer, rather my concern is that this bill would in effect eliminate a whole host of alternative treatments that are currently giving people their lives back in combination with current traditional treatments or standing alone when traditional treatments have fallen short.

If you don’t think the cause is urgent to stop this bill that in essence takes away the right of every person to choose a method of healing that resonates and has efficacy for them, it is important to note that all this bill is waiting for to be passed is the final sign off by the Lieutenant Governor of Ontario.

That is why I continue to pursue. Honesty, transparency and respect with and for each other as professionals in this effort is imperative to the intention to provide the opportunity for relief, release and recovery for those still living in the clutches of this emotional injury to the body. They should be our priority; not what appears to be cornering the market on what is fast becoming an epidemic for emergency services personnel.

Moving Forward – The Courageous Question We Must Ask – I’m aware of a courageous question that I think every mainstream, credentialed therapist, counsellor or psychologist and or authoritative body must be willing to ask and that question is, “What else is or might be out there that by virtue of our rigid, structured thinking we are missing that may indeed complement current therapies or be unto itself a viable  “therapy”, “remedy’, “healing/recovery modality?”

It will take courage to ask that question, and even more courage to answer it. And what I know is, to make shifts of that like, to make the big leap as it were always take courage.  It is my belief that we have the capacity to heal, recover and thrive, not in spite of our experience of and OSI or PTS but because of it. This notion is woven into the coaching methodology. It is time to answer the call of our uniqueness. Had my journey not taken me on the path that it did, I would still be living the cycle of starving myself and bingeing and purging, as had become my life for seventeen years, having only the system that was ineffective for me at my avail; forcing me further into the world of shame and disgust because I just could not talk mySelf out of the eating disorder. I am grateful to all of the holistic practitioners who have gone before me and paved this way for me to live my life in holistic service to others.

If you have questions or would like to inquire with me about lending information of my services to your professional listings please feel free to connect with me.  Thank you for your time today.

Kae S. Roberts

Certified Catalyst CODE Model™ Coach

Quantum TLC™ Facilitator

NLP Master Practitioner

 

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I am mindful of recent reports of emergency services and military personnel who’ve chosen to go “To Their Deaths of Despair” at their own hand; hopeless that the kind of help they needed to heal from their experience of Operational Stress Injury (OSI) and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) was ever going to arrive. That combined with a personal experience I had recently gives me pause and then pushes me again to be relentless in my efforts to do two things. The first; to create a welcoming space of alternative recovery options for those whose experience of the traditional treatments for PTSD has left them still reeling and confined by the emotional injury to their bodies. The second; to create the space for a client-centred approach where when the client experiences a healing treatment that though is not seen as traditional or belonging to the psychotherapeutic model of the world, it is getting them their life back, that it is recognized for its efficacy and that the client is supported in their recovery, including financially.

In that intention, I must share with you a little bit more about me, my beliefs and my intentions, this in the effort, yes, to be seen, but moreover in the effort to create a space where those who seem to have lost their “Self” in this merciless emotional injury to the body, can once again see themselves. Their Self is in there waiting to reconnect.

To The Professional Collective of Which I’m an Aspect – We Must Be Curious, Not Judgmental – Honesty and forthrightness with each other is the one critical component in our collective professional effort to make every potential recovery modality available to those who continue to experience the debilitation that comes with OSI and PTSD. Honesty, respect, and curiosity in our professional interactions with each other is paramount in this effort. When we are in judgment, we are in a state of protection and as Dr. Bruce Lipton discovered in the Petrie dish, growth cannot come from a state of protection.

We must come together, leaving no stone unturned in our efforts to ensure that no one is left behind in their desire to heal, recover and get their lives back from this seemingly relentless dis-ease of the body/mind. This will be a challenge if we as professionals judge, exclude, and or are not truthful in our messaging with each other when it comes to those actively seeking alternative healing methods.

Really Good People are Dying! – I write today having recently experienced exclusion in my inquiry to be listed as a Service Professional providing alternative means for healing and recovery of OSI and PTSD. In my experience of that and the manner in which the decision not to list me played out, I learned plenty about mySelf and the system that I keep asking permission to be a part of or to access.  The greatest lesson in that for me sounded exactly like this in my head, “Kae, do not wait for permission from a system that although has good intentions, is still rigid, constrictive and protective. You must do your due diligence and  create a space for people to see you. We’ve really no time to waste. People, I mean really good people are dying!

I say with the greatest humility; in the interest of moving forward with the innovative work that I am doing, ensuring that folks who are looking for me can see me,  I must make me and my work visible. There is no time to waste. It makes these following thoughts important to share.

The Qualifications and Certifications Conversation – It Has to Be Had! – I fully appreciate and respect that when providing recovery, healing services to those experiencing an OSI or PTSD, that those persons doing so be current in their qualifications and be able to readily provide evidence to that effect through their respective certifying bodies.  We should expect nothing less; current and valid credentials have to be had. With that point in mind I would like to publicly state the following: When I offer my services, I am doing so in my Certified Coaching capacity, inclusive of an appreciative inquiry component, because the client always knows what they need no matter how deeply embedded it is in the body.

Having said that, I do not offer my services in the capacity of Therapist, Counsellor or Psychologist. I am not, nor do I hold myself out to be any of the above and as such I am not registered with the College of Psychologists or Counsellors because I am neither.

Who I Am – My Credentials – I am a WEL-Systems® Certified CODE Model™ Coach, Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Master Practitioner and Quantum TLC™ Facilitator. I have been a Certified Practitioner with the WEL-Systems® Institute since November 2003. I have invested substantially in my education with this body of knowledge both financially and with my time, logging hundreds upon hundreds of hours of in class learning and practicum, completing required reading of countless texts and examinations to demonstrate my proficiency of the CODE Model™, NLP and Quantum TLC™ with the WEL-Systems® certifying body. I have been logging coaching hours with this body of knowledge since November 2003.

What I offer is an educational and in many cases as a result, a self-healing opportunity through the CODE Model™ Coaching and Quantum TLC™ processes. It is a unique and viable process unto itself, amongst a whole host of traditional, time honored, therapeutic treatments already available in the mainstream. I applaud the current modalities of healing; the new and innovative, such as but not limited to, Equine and Canine therapy and the more tried and tested Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. It is however imperative for us to be willing to pay attention to the statistics that are telling us that for some, these traditional healing and recovery remedies are falling short in spite of best efforts. It does not make these methods of treatment good, bad, right or wrong, rather, in my world one more suicide or murder with PTSD as the ignition point is one more too many. These deaths are preventable.

A Glimpse Into My Personal Journey – As a person who lived with an eating disorder for seventeen years, the therapies, counselling, psychiatry, prescription medications that I received did nothing to mitigate and or eliminate this dis-ease in my body and that was not for lack of want or desire.  My Journey is chronicled in a book I co-authored called, “Sekhmet Rising, Restlessness of a Women’s Genius” For me the traditional psychiatric approaches were simply not effective. That does not mean that they don’t have the potential to be effective and they are not effective for some and they were not for me. The work with the CODE Model™ and Quantum TLC™ that I do now however, was effective for me at the time, and at accelerated speeds. What was not resolved in years of formal, traditional therapy was resolved in a twenty five minute Quantum TLC™ Processing experience. I can’t imagine that I am an anomaly in that experience.

Mainstream Is Not Enough! – The work that I do is not mainstream and to be sure, this is a good thing, because mainstream for some is not working and or is not enough. That does not make it good, bad, right or wrong, rather, we must notice, acknowledge and then invite in what else and in that willingness, the what else will appear, because we’ve made space for it. We are not a one size fits all genus, we must always be receptive to that which holds potential and in the interest of healing and recovery, there is plenty of room for alternative and complementary modalities that include but are not limited to the work that I do. I believe it is every practitioner’s duty to be curious.

Time Sensitive Permission to Disclose – When police personnel commit suicide, for an albeit short period of time, a “safe” space opens up for others to give themselves permission to disclose their struggles and desire to recover and heal absent of shame, hesitation and fear of ridicule. The permission that comes through the deaths of despair of others is time sensitive however when the shock and awe gives way to the day to day, permission to disclose without real risks falls away again, until it is, we mourn yet another. In the absence of that, the choice is to hide, locking one’s self away, daring not to be seen while tears flow. The recollection of events pulling at the heart strings that sit behind the perceived but hardly real capital “S” emblazoned in red on their chest. The persistence and perceptions of others that PTSD is a disease reserved for the “crazy”, keeps the proverbial closet full and reeling. And that is crazy making!

A Promise Made –  We need to do more. What I am doing is a part of that more. I made that promise in my blog entitled, “To Their Deaths of Despair”. Like many recovery modalities, what I offer, standing alone or in combination with other remedies is a viable healing modality. In the capable hands of other WEL-Systems® CODE Model™ Coaches I was able to see my way through and to the other side of that eating disorder, owned it, intelligence and all so that it could no longer own me. More recently, Quantum TLC™ was my saving grace as I too, after years of intensive care giving for my elderly parents, fell, unknowingly and swiftly into the clutches of post traumatic stress. My experience of it; well, it snuck up on me until it was, I was on the roller coaster ride that I’d not bought a ticket for.

Each of us is brilliant, possessing an innate capacity to heal from the emotional wounds of our energy body. We are born with the capacity for self healing and it never leaves us. It can be drowned out however by the noise that the demons of this disorder can wreak. And sometimes as in the words of Pema Chodron we must go into the mouth of the demon to silence it, discovering in the quiet calm of that, our strength and resilience in the process.

The Coaching Process – CODE Model™ Coaching is the process of inquiry and Quantum TLC™ is the opportunity to in a safe place allow the energy in the body to move freely, allowing the wave of emotional holding to finally metabolize, so that we own it and it no longer owns us. And just like the traditional, recognized treatments,I know what I do isn’t going to be for everyone but for those for whom it is, they will get their lives back. And they cannot see or access this as an option if we discriminate based on credentialing bodies.  It’s that simple.

The Ontario Omnibus Bill – As I write this blog, an Omnibus bill in the Province of Ontario has received final reading and hidden within that bill is legislation that not only ensures the work that holistic practitioners do is no longer recognized but that such practitioners could be subjected to fines anywhere between $25,000.00 and $50,000.00 for engaging in it. In essence the “Omnibus Bill gives psychotherapists exclusive and unprecedented control over the future definition, assessment and treatment (at their sole discretion) of all emotional disturbances of human life.” The cause is urgent to stop this bill that in essence takes away your right and mine to choose a method of healing that resonates and has efficacy for each of us. All this bill is waiting for to be passed is the final sign off by the Lieutenant Governor of Ontario, with the expectation it will come into force in the fall of 2014.

That is why I continue to pursue. Honesty, transparency and respect with and for each other as professionals in this effort is imperative to the intention to provide the opportunity for relief, release and recovery for those still living in the clutches of this emotional injury to the body. Our efforts cannot be spent carving out territory that excludes.  

Moving Forward – The Courageous Question We Must Ask – I’m aware of a courageous question that I think every mainstream, credentialed therapist, counsellor or psychologist and or authoritative body must be willing to ask and that question is, “What else is or might be out there that by virtue of our rigid, structured thinking we are missing that may indeed complement current PTSD therapies or be unto itself a “therapy”, “remedy’, “healing/recovery modality?”

It will take courage to ask that question, and even more courage to answer it. And what I know is, to make shifts of that like, to make the big leap has and will always take courage.  It is my belief that we have the capacity to heal, recover and thrive, not in spite of our experience of PTSD but because of it. It is time to answer the call of our uniqueness. Had my journey not taken me on the path that it did, I would still be depending on a system that not only was not making a difference for me, but it was forcing me further into the world of shame and disgust that I could not just talk mySelf out of the eating disorder. I am grateful to all of the holistic practitioners who have gone before me and paved this way for me to live my life in holistic service to others.

If you have questions or would like to inquire with me about lending information of my services to your professional listings please feel free to connect with me.  Thank you for your time today.

Kae S. Roberts

Certified Catalyst CODE Model™ Coach

Quantum TLC™ Facilitator

NLP Master Practitioner

 

 

To Their Deaths of Despair

Let Me Introduce You to an An Amazing Human Being

My second cousin Steve Elms is an amazing human being, incredible photographer, and dedicated police officer. With the recent passing of S/Sgt. Ian Matthews of the Hamilton Police Service, Steve posted his comments on Facebook where he shares that he was diagnosed with PTSD three years ago. This after his mother committed suicide four years earlier and he in his police capacity shot two people. It was all just too much. Steve is currently receiving treatment at a health care facility for an 8 week program to help treat his PTSD. Onward indeed Steve and thank you for choosing life.

Behind the Mask

In his post Steve speaks to how he is, “tired of hiding behind the mask.” His post was both moving and motivating for me to do and be more in the effort to support people suffering from PTSD in all ways. For me, it starts with this blog post here and my appeal to Police Leaders and Chiefs everywhere to do and be more in this effort.

With respect to the “mask” of which Steve speaks; so many police officers for all kinds of reasons, not the least of which, the fear of ridicule, abandonment, stigmatization and labeling that would follow if they did not hide behind that mask, with heavy heart and weary mind, choose to wear it, day in and day out. That doesn’t even begin to touch on the matter of fearing being assigned desk duty, told to go home because they’re not stable enough to be at work, or removing their police firearm indefinitely, further burdened with the label of, “crazy”. We have to remove those barriers to disclosing their need for help.

State of Ready

I am very confident that the front-line staff are more than ready for the kind of internal support in both their recruit and career development opportunities that will allow them to see and be the human beings that they are instead of the Super Heroes it is intimated they are expected to be. I don’t mean as it relates to saving lives, because that is a part of the job, I mean as in, “never let ’em see ya sweat” while saving that life, or where they may have to take a life in order to save another.

Having been a police officer for twenty years, I know all too well what that profession is like day in and day out. Having left policing and in doing the work that I do now, it keeps being reinforced for me over and over again that front-line police members, sworn and civilian alike are not only wanting to start being supported by way of taking opportunities of training and development to learn more about themselves and why they do what they do, but that they are ready…they are so ready…because they know instinctively their life depends on it.

I know this because it has been my privilege to be in the room with police officers in my current capacity of creating healthy and respectful workplaces, sharing critical information  in an experiential way that often times is their first opportunity in a very long time if ever to acknowledge their human being-ness that not only deserves to be considered but is imperative if they are to move beyond surviving in this profession to thriving in this profession. In one of the workshops I facilitated, a seasoned officer who was due to retire four months from the day he was in the training raised his hand saying words to the effect, “I am retiring in four months, I’ve been in policing for almost thirty years, and can you tell my why I’m just learning this about myself now?” This is just one example of the degree to which police professionals are ready to be in these conversations.

When the leaders of Police Services say to me, that their, “members aren’t ready” or “wouldn’t go for that” , and I can assure you, many have, they are not speaking for their members they are speaking about their own ready state, the degree to which they are willing to be in discussions about their human being-ness and why they do what they do. I’ve had one high ranking police member tell me, “they’ll eat you up if you start having those conversations with them.”  Well I’ve had those conversations with them and that’s just not the case. In fact they make it clear that they want more. It’s time.

It’s Personal Now

I can no longer sugar coat my words or make nice so that the decision makers won’t slam their doors in my face or because it makes better business sense. This is not a business I am in, this is a passion for me, seeing people move from a survival to a thrival mentality. Because  you see in a thrival mentality survival can exist, but in a survival mentality,  thrival cannot and that puts every single officer at risk in the theater of policing.

As I read Steve’s post, I realized that it just got very personal for me. Leaders in the policing profession and I mean the, International, Canadian and Ontario Association of Chiefs of Police, Police Service Boards, Federal and Provincial Ministers, Chiefs of Police and their Deputies and their Superintendents and Inspectors must stop assuming that their members are not ready for this kind of professional support; conversations about themselves, how they’re feeling, why they’re feeling something so strongly when another of their colleagues may not be. You see we all come into the workplace with our histories firmly intact. That means there is a good possibility that we will each respond slightly or more differently to the exact same event. Steve came in with his history, I came in with mine and my life-partner with hers, firmly in tact and it has impact.

Appeal to Police Leaders Everywhere

To all Chiefs of Police, your members are ready to start having those tough conversations, in the workplace, with each other, whether in the context of respectful workplace training, debriefs after a serious incident, recruit training, annual training….we need to include an experiential opportunity that will make it safe for all police professionals to be in tune and in touch with themselves, their authentic selves, what is going on in their emotional body, shields down, not shields up.

As Dr. Candace Pert discovered, emotions run every system in our body….so though we may shut our emotions down in the throes of having to save a life, make an arrest, remove a child from an environment that is dangerous, do CPR on a twelve year old who has just hung themself in the family basement, do a death notification to the parents of that child, attend scenes of crimes and accidents where body parts lay strewn everywhere…you can be assured, the very fact that they’ve had to shut down their emotions to do their jobs and in many cases get through the call without breaking down is indicative of the fact that they are having an emotion(s). We must do more. It’s time.

It is time to take our head out of the sand on this…though it makes us feel better to say the words, “hero in life”, when we’ve lost a colleague in the line of duty or otherwise…there really are no heroes, only human beings doing heroic things….every day in the policing profession, for the good and the love of human kind. Steve is doing that, I did that, my partner is doing that and most certainly as we hear Ian’s story, so did he. And because we are all human beings first and foremost, we must create a safe space for each other when it is the emotions are no longer willing to be/stay shut down. We don’t prepare police professionals for this, their emotional body I mean, the one that no matter how hard the intellect tries to quiet it, it will not be, and nor do we make it safe for them to acknowledge their emotions and the impact those emotions are having on them. It’s time.

I appeal to all Chiefs of Police, when you are sitting at your budget table, trying to figure out how to make your workplace operationally efficient, effective, productive and professional, the place to start is with the health and wellness of your personnel…right out of the gates in their recruit “training”. And when you do that, you won’t have to try to figure out how to make your workplace operationally successful, it will be a naturally occurring event.  Your service can only be as healthy and as well as the personnel working within it. To say “we don’t have the budget for that“, no longer cuts it. So, it’s time.

In the context of what they see and do each day, just as you would have in your day, it is time to treat your personnel with the respect and dignity that every one of them as a human being deserves as it relates to their quality of life. These people are not robots, they are human beings, being human in this place called, “work”. It is no longer enough to support them after they’ve gone. We do that well with all of the accolades and pomp and circumstance of the police funerals, failing to notice that perhaps, certainly as it relates to officers taking their own lives that we should have done more. Indeed, taking ones own life is a choice and we can’t control if people choose to do that, if that is what they want, they will find a way….and the evidence is clear, many don’t want that, but the despair in their bodies is simply no longer manageable. With no safe place to let it process and release in a resourceful, thriving way, to their deaths of despair they go. In essence we are not doing enough to give them the will to live and subsequently they become the priority one call we arrived at too late. I know that place having had my own experience of PTSD.

Honoring, Steve, Ian and All Police Professionals

Steve, let me just say, you are so brave, and so courageous….a brilliant human being and I’m glad you are choosing to thrive in your life. And to S/Sgt. Ian Matthews of the Hamilton Police Service and to his family, I’m so sorry we were too late for you. May your choice to leave us  not be in vain Ian and most importantly now, may you be at peace.

I appeal to Police Chiefs everywhere, let’s do what we can to prevent any further deaths of despair.

For you Ian and for Steve, I will try harder.
Kae RobertsA November River 21 Nov 2013

Awakening Wave Organizational Evolution

We are all spiritual beings, having a human experience…and in that thought, hate cannot reside.

It isn’t to forgive or be forgiven. It is to know that sometimes our human experience requires that we contemplate, revisit, and revel in the new awareness that our actions and or those of others have brought us to. That’s the human experience…always giving us the opportunity to see our spirit evolve.

My thanks to those on my holodeck, I’ve brought you hear to teach me something. I am learning.

Kae S. Roberts

 

 

I completely agree with Rick Mercer’s recent rant with respect to the need for more gay adults to be role models for gay kids. This, so that gay kids can feel safe, comfortable and contented in their skin. In order for that to happen, the gay adults that Rick calls out to, first have to feel safe, comfortable and contented in their own skin. Anything short of that presupposes that the adults Rick appeals to already feel that way about themselves and most don’t for the risks they still perceive to be associated with having their sexual orientation known. It’s all relative and where it may feel safe for me, for another it doesn’t. Therein lies the challenge in the call-out to adults.

 A Conversation About the Adults

If we assume for a moment that the majority of kids grow up and get a job, start a career, become professionals, regrettably for many of them, and not just in the context of “being gay and coming out”, the workplace takes on the likeness of an “adult” schoolyard. Why because by virtue of our upbringing we’ve all become very adept at being externally referenced. In some cases external referencing is good. If I wasn’t externally referenced I wouldn’t pay mind to the oncoming car as I’m trying to cross the road. I’m not speaking to external referencing in that context however. I’m talking about the kind that sees us being other than our authentic selves based on the risks associated with that.

Very much like in the schoolyard, the internal conversations for the adults in the workplace may sound like, “what will my colleagues, boss(other kids, teachers) say/think, will I be taunted, will I be teased, will I be bullied, will I be excluded?  As a former police officer of twenty years who happens to be gay, the first ten years of my career (1st three years as a Military Police Officer) were spent willingly and knowingly in the proverbial closet for all of the concerns I’ve just stated. My stories to colleagues about my weekend outings with my partner, now of 22 years were rarely shared and when they were, my partner was referred to in two ways as my “friend” or “they”; exhausting to say the least. I was not only carrying the lie, living an “other” life at work, in fact I’d been carrying the lie from the moment with and in mySelf I knew that I was gay. And though I could not put language to it, looking back, I was aware of my sexuaility at a very young age and I was also aware of  how “bad” it was to be gay.

The shift for me did not come because suddenly it became safe outside of me and in my workplace and in my world to be gay. The shift came for me because it was safe inside of me to be gay. Not safe at an intellectual level where our perceptual filters such as distorting, deleting, generalizing, judging, analyzing, and rationalizing drives the bus, rather at the level of the body, because the body unlike the intellect does not have the ability to lie to us. So, in that, our body, our energetic being knows our brilliance and beauty. It’s the intellect that actually calls what we instinctively know into question by gauging and measuring worth based on what others think of us and at a very young age we are taught to listen to our intellect creating the ultimate betrayal of ourselves and that was to not trust our bodies and to look outside of us for the approval no matter how “unlike us” it felt inside.

The stories that others have of us are run through our respective perceptual filters and for many who are unaware of themselves beyond their intellect, the truths of others become the truth that they hold of and for themselves. For years as a gay person, I held myself as abnormal, sinful and dirty because the external world that I came to know as the marker, kept reinforcing that for me. You see in my upbringing, in my home, in the media, in my school, homosexuality was seen as disgusting, revolting, dirty, even criminal behaviour with it being equated to pedophilia. I’m not suggesting that it is exactly like that for teenagers today and clearly there is still something going on out there that they are having these feelings about themselves that in some cases has them dismissing themselves to the extent of ending the very breath that it takes to save them.

By virtue of my willingness to explore and discover that I was much more than I was taught to believe I was, my life changed. But I had to be willing to be with and in myself, resourceful breath to resourceful breath. When I chose that, the internal shift saw me no longer riding or carrying the dead horses of disgust, embarrassment, shame, guilt, fear, or hating myself as part of my being. Not only that, I discovered that they were not my dead horses, they were owned by those who held me as that. They were their beliefs, not mine. In that discovery a remarkable thing happened when I got off of all those dead horses and stopped dragging them around ; my life changed. The conversations about sexuality changed, rather than calling into and seeing in my life those who held homosexuality as disgusting, where I couldn’t see them before based on how I held myself, I could now see other human beings who knew my sexual orientation was a natural aspect of a human being, being human in their world. The other thing that happened because I felt safe and comfortable in my body, it became safe as well for those who would otherwise not reveal their support for homosexuality to now do so absent of the fears of riducule and guilt by association that otherwise kept them in their own little closet. You could say my experience was in keeping with the concepts of the laws of attraction.

By honoring mySelf, my life changed. One day a colleague of mine with the Gloucester Police Service who I’d been partnered up with and
befriended asked me outright if I was gay, and for the first time in my body, because I was safe in there, I knew it was safe for me to be authentic outside of me. I answered him authentically, truthfully with, “yes I am.” No waving flags, no marching bands entering the scene to usher in my answer, no bells and whistles, no front page news, just him and I being ourSelves, each of us knowing it was safe to be ourSelves. That reinforced the safety that I held in and of myself. It doesn’t mean that everyone I’ve encountered in my life agrees with my sexual orientation it just means that when such people present I still feel safe in me in spite of that. And that’s powerful and empowering as a thought contagion.

Back to the Children

And so that brings me to this question/consideration; where do our children get the opportunity to explore and discover their brilliance, their beauty, their magic, where even if it doesn’t match an adult’s perception of what brilliant, beautiful, magic looks like for them, they still know they are all of that? Whether in the context of sexual orientation or anything else, how many places and spaces are we silencing the voices of our children because theirs doesn’t match our expectations, desires of them? Where do they go to know that being the full expression of who they know themselves to be is ok?

I can tell you with certainty that it is not for the most part available in their homes, and most certainly not in their schools. Outside of the context of school curriculum that I promise to lend my thoughts to in my next blog, here’s why I know that. The living, breathing entities, in our children’s respective family systems and surrounding communities, including schools have yet to make the discovery for themselves of their own innate brilliance, beauty and magic. Here’s my evidence for that. The perpetuation of workplace harassment, discrimination, bullying and violence continues to rear its ugly head and at phenomenal rates. So you have teenagers who are taking their cue from entities who have not made the shift from external to internal referencing for themselves because they too are experiencing their workplace as the “adult” schoolyard that it is for them. They continue to perceive their world as dangerous…and you can only convey to others how it is you perceive your own world.

In the province of Ontario, we are sixteen months into new legislation that addresses harassment and violence in the workplace. Why do you
think that legislation was introduced? It’s because people are dying all kinds of deaths in all kinds of ways in their workplace at the hands of colleague to colleague, harassing, bullying, and yes violent behaviour. So it is, quite likely, these children / teenagers, will, like me, only realize that they are more than they’ve been taught to believe they are when they become older, wiser, and more attuned to themSelves as opposed to tuned into what everyone else thinks or expects of them. And when that happens, like me, they’ll become seekers for what they know instinctively is available to them and that is taking/getting their life back!!! Because their life belongs to no one but themselves.

And we all know for far too many, that knowing is way too late. For the beautiful, brilliant, magical Jason it is and for my beautiful, brilliant, magical childhood friend Brian it is too late. School is the boot-camp for life and when I look back on my school days and then into my adulthood, until I chose to acknowledge the amazing human being that I am and trust that and love mySELF unflinchingly, unwaveringly, I behaved and responded to my workplace exactly as I had in school, experiencing my workplace for many years as very unsafe. Here’s the
kicker, the bullies of the schoolyard and the workplace are also responding to their world as dangerous and if they never discover that it is actually safe, that they are safe in their bodies, they will continue to operate from that reality. Regrettably for Jason and Brian, in the abence of knowing and trusting their own more, they could not see or appreciate the turmoil that their own tormenters were in that would see them responding to their unsafe world by making others feel as they did; unsafe.

And so I could not agree with you more Rick Mercer and I know that the adults that you seek to be role models for the younger generation have to be that for themselves first before they can be that for anyone else. They cannot be/give to others what they have yet to become/give to themselves. And here’s the good news, I think what your are calling for is possible Rick.

The only difference between what Rick is saying and what I think is possible is that while I am all for providing a forum for adults to make this discovery, we need to make opportunities for children, teenagers and young adults to never lose sight of their brilliance and beauty in the first place. Not one of us was born with the thought that we were ugly, disgusting, stupid, dumb, or the opposite of those things. These were things that we were taught, because the people teaching us were taught the same thing about themselves. For me it was thirty five years of undoing the lies and mistruths that I was taught about myself. And with no ill will towards my family or society in general. It was about discovering it was my life and I was responsible for it. It was possible to make the shift and what I know is if we can offer the educational forum for children, teens, young adults to live from their brilliance and beauty, they won’t have to undo 35, 45 or even  55 years of the untruths that became their truth of themselves because they had no other reference point. Further  we will not have to depend on the large population of unempowered adults who have no sense of their own beauty and brilliance to instill empowerment in our children.  We can’t give what we haven’t got!

In the work I do with organizations and corporations, large and small what I know is that it shouldn’t hurt to go to work. I also know that it shouldn’t hurt to go to school. In either context, it isn’t just about making the victims of bullying feel safe with and in themselves, it is about creating the space for the tormenters, the bullies as well to feel safe in and with themselves. We will not achieve that by telling them they are safe, they have to have the experience of being / feeling safe in their bodies. That means they have to be in there. In addition to the intellectual beings that we are, it is time to start acknowledging ourselves as the sensing beings that we are. Because one way or the other we are sensing something.

When we notice individually that we are much more than we’ve been taught to believe we are, and we trust that, collectively we can create a workplace that is a welcoming and healthy one for employees. As per Cellular Biologist, Dr. Bruce Lipton, the biological imperative of the human living system, you and I (our cells), is growth. In my view, it’s a way of living that is to be embraced and celebrated, both at home and in the workplace.

Dr. Lipton’s discoveries have many implications in our lives and I believe, in our workplaces. For example, it probably comes as no surprise that human beings are what make an organization tick. We need to give that the consideration it deserves as it relates to organizational success. In doing so, the question arises; how are we treating each other when we arrive at our respective workplaces? That has less to do with our colleaguers and much more to do with our own internal state.

With the human biological imperative being growth, it is time for organizational structures to implement and make available to its employees, programs that facilitate the imperative. In so doing, an environment is created where human resources feel respected, appreciated and are encouraged to work to the full extent of their potential, absent of the typical monetary compensation and promotions as the sole motivator. There are far too few promotional opportunities / positions available to depend solely on that to motivate employees. Not to mention, the subjective and competitive nature of promotional processes can often be de-motivators in and of themselves. For those two reasons, we must hold to the consideration that even absent of rank, employees at all levels have value to add to the organization. Otherwise we would not
have hired them.

Short of implementing strategies that are in keeping with the biological imperative of growth, human resource(s) will revert to the absence of growth, “protection”. Given that we cannot be in both states at the same time, protection is the only alternative. In the workplace this translates into an experience of survival as opposed to thrival. A survival mentality is directly linked to perceiving the workplace as dangerous as opposed to safe. Perceiving one’s workplace as dangerous can in some cases be cause for undesirable behavior that presents as harassment, discrimination, bullying, humiliation and yes in some cases, violence in the workplace. And of that, hurtful interactions result, this in spite of our knowing that going to work shouldn’t hurt.

To my point; that our cells cannot be in a state of growth and protection at the same time, human beings operating from a state of protection make for limited and in a worse case scenario, stymied growth for themselves personally and as such, for the organization in which they work. Technological and equipment advances do not qualify in the context of growth that I speak of here. Very much like our recreational toys, the novelty of newly acquired technology wears off over time and or when the technology improves itself and we’re still working with the “old” model. Such growth is temporary and serves to feed us at environment / behaviour/ capability levels at best, negating any opportunity to grow at much higher levels of self, most notably at the level of our identity.

That said, if for no other reason than we cannot be in both a state of growth and protection at the same time, it’s imperative to implement strategies and programs that promote and facilitate personal and professional growth, outside of a promotion or salary increase being the indicator of such. Respect, dignity, encouragement on a daily basis is where the sustaining properties for a welcoming and healthy workplace reside.

As imperative as growth is to the human being, so too, as a practice, is offering human resources the opportunity and support to participate in personal health and wellness experiences that provide a new lens through which to see and realize their personal and in turn their professional potential. In this vein, organizations and their human resources have the opportunity to not create a thrival mentality in the workplace but to exercise their potential and thrive each day that they report to their workplace. It is the reward the organization reaps for allowing their personnel to notice their own brilliance and celebrate themselves!

And so it begs the question; What internal state are you operating from?

  • Kae S. Roberts
    is a former Police Sergeant with the Ottawa Police Service and the Founder of Awakening Wave, Organizational Evolution, (AWOE). She is a WEL-Systems® CODE Model™ Coach, specializing in Bill 168 Training, Harassment / Discrimination Workshops and Team Building Workshops. AWOE also offers Diversity in the Workplace and Personal Wellness Experiences. Kae’s is a new lens through which to see and realize your potential and that of your employees, using innovative, cutting edge learning models. In turn, organizations and their human resources have the opportunity to grow and evolve, exercising their personal and professional potential each day. For more information on programs and services offered by Awakening Wave Organizational Evolution, including her signature “From Survival to Thrival in the Workplace three day intensive,  visit www.awakeningwave.ca or contact Kae at Kae@awakeningwave.ca